Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Love and Loss: Struggling Emotions of Breakup

What is love? It has no exact definition, but one thing is true - it is one of the strongest emotions felt by mankind.  Its components include intimacy, commitment and passion. Some even define it as a high form of tolerance:  love is patient and love is kind. In other words, being in love can make you stretch your patience, accept the bad characteristics about your partner and could even make you lower your pride. A relationship is the combination of love and companionship, the sharing of happiness, sorrows, dreams and experiences. Sometimes, you become someone like you’ve never imagined before whenever you’re in a relationship. It is as if you adapt some aspects in yourself that could never have been there if you were single. That’s why, people even say, “You’ve changed!” But what happens when this very thing that changed you, transformed your life, suddenly… fail? How will you feel and live on a life without that someone whom you shared your life and your dreams with and whom you’ve invested time, effort and emotions?

Now, first of all, a mixture of emotions will come surging to you, and it’s normal. You may feel:

  • Anger - because of the hurt, pain, and devastation you feel that is caused by your trusted partner and the end of your relationship. You become very irritable and sensitive to your surroundings without you knowing it.

  • Abhorrence - especially when trust and betrayal is destroyed. The months and years of building such bond can easily be broken by one single betrayal such as the involvement of a third party relationship. This hatred will leave a scar on the victim’s heart.

  • Denial - the part where the feeling of loss and failure of the relationship still didn’t sink in. When all the hopes, dreams, and plans that you established before still seemed intact that can’t be easily abandoned due to the abrupt change; yet anything that felt foreign is not being recognized by your system.

  • Misery – when everything is breaking into pieces. Your heart, your dreams together, your hopes for each other, your trust to him/her or to anybody at the moment, your confidence in yourself;  just about everything! It is where you feel that life is incomplete and a total wreck without your significant other. The nights will be longer and colder than any other night spent, and you may feel the intense urge to contact your partner. Daily habits that have become associated with your partner makes it more difficult to break.

  • Self-blame and guilt – attributing fault to yourself for the end of the relationship and/or for the falling out of love of your partner. You may even tend to bargain for a second chance or a new beginning for the relationship in order to relive the good old’ times. There are instances that in the process of blaming oneself for being the cause, you tend to lose yourself, your pride and dignity.

  • Fear – the life without your most beloved person can be frightening. It is dealing with the unknown. Although when you were still together, the unknown is still at, however, it was easier managing it together. Most of the time, you tend to update yourself of your ex’s current state and will easily be distressed to hear some news of him/her being with someone.

Dealing with such a painful parting is indeed stressful, depressing and sometimes, even life-threatening for some. However, if we look into another perspective, it would be a relief having ended an unhealthy relationship. It wouldn’t be that simple to think that way, but in time, realizations and insights will be a help in moving on.

Coping with such loss wouldn’t be easier if we seek support from our family and friends. Reaching out to people who care, understand, listen and provide emotional healing is an important factor. However, this wouldn’t be possible if you don’t help yourself towards closure that will eventually end up in acceptance. To accept the things that we cannot change and to have the courage to change the things that we can is the step to moving on.